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HELP! I think I’m fat

Hello, my name is Kat and I think I’m fat. I have been fat ever since I was young. Although there was a time in college that I lost weight and it was during this time that people thought I was at my most prettiest. But that was years ago and I’ve come full circle, I am fat once again.

If I showed you a picture, you’d say that I’m not fat. In fact, you’d say I am overreacting and I just look like a normal healthy woman. I’d agree with you. Every time I look in the mirror, I see a woman who is beautiful. I see a confident woman who has a whole life ahead of her. But tell me why is it that at the end of the day I am never satisfied? Why is it that I can’t seem to come to terms with the number on the scale? Why do I care so much that I look stick thin? Why do I feel so fat when deep inside I know I am perfect, cellulite and all?

I blame it on the media. I blame the hypocrites. I blame society for teaching one thing but practice the other. I blame it on myself for letting it all get to my head.

I hate myself so much it hurts. I hate myself because I know I am beautiful but believe another thing. I know I am enough. I know I am perfect but why is it so hard to believe. Why is it so hard to be confident?

Just today I ran 3KM. That’s something considering I’m not an active person but I still think that isn’t enough. I still need to eat less. I still need to drink more water. I still need to stay away from carbs. I’m so hard on myself. I am my biggest critic.

I am at a point in my life where I just want to have fun. But as soon as the lights go out, I am reminded of what the world thinks of me. I lay there, shuddering in the dark.

4 Comments

  1. Hey you! 😀 I was having a bad day when I wrote this down. 🙁 I just needed to write it…sort of a cleansing process for me. It’s hard to go to a positive place when your at the dark side. Good thing is after writing it I feel more optimistic. I just need to stay away from all the negative stuff from the media etc. Truly thanks for your concern! HUGS xx

  2. Writing is also my outlet to release any heartache and sorrow. Good to know that after writing your thoughts/feelings down, you also feel better. Hey, just keep it up! Small steps each day matters. Cheers! 🙂

    • One of the main reasons why I’m so in love with blogging. It’s the perfect outlet 😉

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