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HELP! I think I’m fat

Hello, my name is Kat and I think I’m fat. I have been fat ever since I was young. Although there was a time in college that I lost weight and it was during this time that people thought I was at my most prettiest. But that was years ago and I’ve come full circle, I am fat once again.

If I showed you a picture, you’d say that I’m not fat. In fact, you’d say I am overreacting and I just look like a normal healthy woman. I’d agree with you. Every time I look in the mirror, I see a woman who is beautiful. I see a confident woman who has a whole life ahead of her. But tell me why is it that at the end of the day I am never satisfied? Why is it that I can’t seem to come to terms with the number on the scale? Why do I care so much that I look stick thin? Why do I feel so fat when deep inside I know I am perfect, cellulite and all?

I blame it on the media. I blame the hypocrites. I blame society for teaching one thing but practice the other. I blame it on myself for letting it all get to my head.

I hate myself so much it hurts. I hate myself because I know I am beautiful but believe another thing. I know I am enough. I know I am perfect but why is it so hard to believe. Why is it so hard to be confident?

Just today I ran 3KM. That’s something considering I’m not an active person but I still think that isn’t enough. I still need to eat less. I still need to drink more water. I still need to stay away from carbs. I’m so hard on myself. I am my biggest critic.

I am at a point in my life where I just want to have fun. But as soon as the lights go out, I am reminded of what the world thinks of me. I lay there, shuddering in the dark.

6 Comments

  1. Kat a lot of ladies battle with body perception issues due to a lot of commercial related body images sold out there. I think that the key thing is to be healthy and come to a point of self acceptance for your own sake. You have to do it for you. Grace to you 😇

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey you! 😀 I was having a bad day when I wrote this down. 😦 I just needed to write it…sort of a cleansing process for me. It’s hard to go to a positive place when your at the dark side. Good thing is after writing it I feel more optimistic. I just need to stay away from all the negative stuff from the media etc. Truly thanks for your concern! HUGS xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Writing is also my outlet to release any heartache and sorrow. Good to know that after writing your thoughts/feelings down, you also feel better. Hey, just keep it up! Small steps each day matters. Cheers! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Howto$tuffYourPig says

    I have the same issues but with me it could be those extra 15 lbs! Of course you already know what my resolution is! 😀

    Like

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