Blog, Coffee Time, Personal
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Let’s have coffee

Hi, guys! I am feeling a bit all over the place these past few weeks. I’d like to share the reason behind it today. I’m hoping that by doing so would push me back on track and force me to pick up the broken pieces. If you’re up for that, why don’t you grab your cup of coffee and let’s start!

If we were having coffee, my goodness I honestly wouldn’t know where to start! Do I start by telling you about the massive mess at work or do I just skip all that and be positive? Well, this blog wouldn’t be my blog if it didn’t have some drama so I’m going to spill the tea.

Without going into all the details here’s all you need to know. My company is basically project based. I was scheduled to be rolled off from my team later this month but I’m now out of that team because I got swapped. My manager basically wanted another resource and I had to go over to her project to fill in her shoes. All is well until shady things started to go down. To cut the story short, I got rolled off, the other person got into my previous team but when I reached out to that person’s manager, it seemed as if they weren’t expecting me and now I’m left waiting in the wings. Simply put, I got fucked.

This happened about a week and a half ago and I have no desire at all to talk to managers about it. I also have no desire to try and fix the situation. I am just deeply saddened by the process. I can’t find it within me to try and fix this. It definitely made me feel unwanted and talentless.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that this is the reason why I’m working on my blog. Having no project means I get to have free time to go through it and update it. I also have tons of scheduled posts in the works. Some are old works that I feel need to be reposted but what the heck, right?

It feels nice to work on something that I’m passionate about. It does make me feel that maybe I’m in the wrong profession but my day job pays the bills while this blog only contributes to the bills, lol.

If we were having coffee, I’d say that I really want to monetize this blog and blog for a living because I’m just so desperate to stop working in the corporate world. I just want money to fall from the sky.

I told you, I’m a mess.

Truth is, in five years of working for my company, I had my fair share of ups and downs but this one I just can’t seem to come to terms with. I do not understand why this other person got into my project while I didn’t get into hers. It hurts my pride, ego, and confidence. It’s making me doubt my skills and makes me asks stupid questions like “Why am I not wanted?”

I get it, my company is project based. My only wish here is that if there are no concrete plans for me, just put me on the bench. At least I know where I stand and I’m not hoping.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that sharing this with you guys also mark the moment when I stand up again. I’d have enough self-pity and trying to make sense out of what happened. Tomorrow is a new day and I want to face it confidently. Shit happened, but I won’t let it control me or my outlook on life.

15 Comments

  1. Hi Kat!
    That sucks. I’m sorry that your company is not operating in a clear and more direct manner. It kind of reminds me of past web development companies that my boyfriend has worked for that were also supposed to be project base. It always feels like a circus…
    I don’t blame you for feeling frustrated. I like how you are thinking optimistically in the sense that you are going to focus on your blog and doing things that bring you joy.
    I have been feeling like a mess when it comes to falling behind in chemistry, but like you said, Tomorrow is a Brand New Day!
    Hang in there, my friend.

    <3 Alana Xoxoxo

    • It sucks!!! So much…. but there’s really nothing I can do and I don’t want it to affect me too much. I think I’ve spent enough time wondering and worrying about it! Best of luck with your studies, I know you’re going to do great!

      • I am definitely a worrier and it is rarely ever worth all the stress. Just keep moving forward! Thank you. The quarter is almost done!

  2. Hi Kat!

    It’s definitely a sticky situation to be in. But like you said, tomorrow is a new day and you should start with a new zeal. Maybe you can start asking around for some project that matches the kind of skills you have? Or maybe, try something else altogether so that you get to learn something new? Either way, I am pretty sure you’re gonna get this straight. Best of luck, girl! <3

    • Hi, Arpita! I am trying to maximize my “free” time by doing exactly what you said! Although I haven’t talked to a manager (or someone higher up the food chain) about finding a perfect fitting project for me, it’s already on my to do list 🙂 Thanks for dropping by! Hugs xx

  3. “Shit happened, but I won’t let it control me or my outlook on life.”

    GET IT GIRL. You got this!!!

  4. O my! I’m very sorry this happened to you! Perhaps a better project will come along while you’re waiting in the wings! Sending light and love and nothing but good vibes your way!

  5. Since we work together, I get exactly what you feel!!! Sobrang daming ~*shady*~ stuff sa allocation ng project resources! I once got assigned to a project where my role did not fit my skillset.. daming nangyari na nakakairita!!! Kapit lang girl! (and good luck sa pagupdate ng blog, di ba may tracker daw ang bench?)

    • Fun fact tester ako dati na retooled to developer. Everything is new to me @_@ I’m overwhelmed 100% of the time hahaha iyak tawa na lang. Especially ngayon na nagsstart na kami. 🙁

      Tracker para saan?

      • Yung ibang nakabench, trinatrack daw kung ano ginagawa nila? I don’t know, 2 days pa lang ako nabebench this year lol. Sinubukan din nila ako i-retool and may imaginary conversation daw sila with me na pumayag ako so nanghingi ako ng proof. LOL

        • Ay talaga? Andito lang ako sa bahay, chilling! LOL. I guess good thing na technically hindi ako na-bench kasi “swapped” ako. 😛 Ang shady talaga ng mga happenings sa office hay nako

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